FFX Remix! A story not to be taken seriously
by Aki-No-Good
Summary: Title speaks a thousand words. It's insane, and should not be taken seriously. Pairings include WakkaxSin, Tidusxtoaster...This is absolutely nuts.
1. insane in the membrane

Hellu! It's Aki-No-Good again, reporting to you from places unknown! This is just a stupid fic I wrote as an experiment. Actually, I was just upset over the fact that I'm not funny enough. So I wrote this insanity. It really makes no sense, so don't flame me whining about how you don't get it. Hokay, enjoy.

- - -

That night, Tidus awoke with an undeniable craving for…

"Toast! I need toast!" the boy with nice hair proclaimed even though he hadn't taken a bath in weeks

Tidus knew by then that if he didn't get his toast _right then_, Sin was liable to attack. He didn't know exactly why he had to worry about Sin, seeing how he and Auron were dead, but still living, but never the less he was still afraid. The thing smelled _really bad_, sort of like old socks.

Tidus then realized that he hadn't washed his socks or even changed his clothes since he left Zanarkand. The blonde boy smacked his head.

"Toast!"

So, Tidus set off on his epic adventure.

Being careful not to wake anyone up, Tidus jumped down the stairs and made as much noise as was possibly possible. You see, everyone was living in this nice two-floored house together, because the author doesn't like to describe the battles.

What Tidus encountered at the bottom of the stairs was something he'd hoped he'd never see again.

"Eek! It's Wakka in a night gown!" He squealed, too shocked to move.

"You idiot, I'm Lulu. Can't you tell the difference?"

"Hmm…" Tidus pondered this question thoughtfully. He really enjoyed these simulating conversations.

"No!" He finally replied.

Lulu opened her mouth as if to say something, but at that moment she spontaneously combusted.

Tidus scratched his head. "She must've been in a hurry to get somewhere", he decided. But Tidus didn't have much time to think because a flying coconut flew out of the air and hit him in the head, knocking him to the ground.

"Seymour!" Tidus scowled, shaking his fist at nowhere in particular.

"That's right! It was I!" Seymour declared from the top of the steps.

"Oh, hey Seymour. What're you doing here? You look awfully nice in that gown."

"Oh, you think so? I bought it on sale at Marshals for only…Hey! It's not a gown, it's a robe!"

Tidus shrugged. "Same difference."

"Anyways…"

"Oh! I know why you're here!"

"You do? Finally! Finally you realize that I am here to seal your doom-"

"You're here for a sleepover!" Tidus proclaimed.

"Sleepover!" Wakka giggled, appearing out of nowhere.

"Yup. Seymour's already in his pajamas-"

"They're not pajamas!"

"Yay! Can I do your hair, Tidus? It's so soft and shiny…unlike mine", Wakka said, pointing at his sad excuse for a hair-do.

"It's alright Wakka. You may be a freak, but just look at Kimahri!"

"Oh yeah, you're right. And Yuna. She has different colored eyes."

"_Please_, I'm trying to talk here!"

Wakka and Tidus turned to look at Seymour. But unfortunately for him, he had turned into a duck.

"Does that happen often?" asked Wakka.

"Yeah, but only on days that start with a J."

"Oh, well that makes sense seeing as it's Jurtlewsday."

"Did someone say spaghetti?" asked Yuna, running down the stairs dressed in a pirate suit.

Just then, the doorbell rang.

"Hello, welcome to McDonalds, how may I help you?" Tidus said as he answered the door.

"AHH! It's Sin!" Shrieked Wakka.

"I'm here for the sleepover…your ever impending doom can be full-filled later."

"Can I do your hair?" giggled Wakka.

"Yes! Make me look pretty!"

Tidus looked uneasy.

"Tidus…there's an alligator in your pants…did you know that?" Yuna said

"Yes, it's been making me feel rather uneasy."

"Whoops, how'd that get there?" Auron said, stepping out of Sin's mouth.

"Is this your alligator, Auron?" Tidus asked.

"…No."

"Oh…well then…"

"Chappu!" Shrieked Wakka. "That must be Chappu, re-incarnated!"

"You idiot, I'm Lulu", the alligator said.

"Lulu, what are you doing in my pants?"

Just then, Lulu evaporated.

"Can that happen?" Auron asked.

"I have a feeling I'm forgetting something…like, a quest unfinished…" Tidus pondered.

"Quack", said Seymour.

- - -

Okay, that was seriously nuts. But I had fun writing it. Review, and I might write more…maybe…Mwahaha.

By the way…did you know that hokey is a real word?

Oh, and don't ask why I centered all of this...I just figured, eh, a new style, a new format.


	2. the insanity continues

The insanity continues…

- - - - - - -

Tidus screwed his face up in concentration as he pondered his next move. His next decision would decide everything; his fate, no, the fate of the whole world was in his hands.

"Wakka, do you have any twos?"

"Haha! Nope! Go fish!"

"Aw man…"

Just then Tidus's stomach growled.

"I almost forgot! I'm hungry!"

He jumped up and headed towards the kitchen, and in the process stepped on Seymore who died.

Tidus rounded the corner and advanced towards the small metal box he loved so dearly. But unfortunately for him, a small blonde girl blocked his path.

"Hey! Your eyes are swirly!" Tidus proclaimed, stopping in mid-skip. Rikku then proceeded in giving a long speech in Al-Bhed.

"Woman! I can't understand a word you're saying!" Tidus raged, grabbing her shoulders and shaking them. "You're making my head hurt!"

Suddenly, everything went black for the boy as Rikku hit him with a large zuchinni.

- - -

"We haven't had any intense battles lately, ya?" Wakka commented while putting curlers in his hair. "I sort of wish—"

"SOCK FIGHT!" Yuna bellowed, jumping down from the top of the stairs and hurling a ball of socks at a potato on the ground.

"Hey! Watch it!" Lulu the potato cried.

"Oh boy!" squealed Seymore, who magically re-incarnated. Hastily, he picked up Lulu the potato and chucked it straight into Auron's face.

"I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU I LIKE MY POTATOES MASHED!" Auron screamed. The screaming man entered sin's mouth and returned a few moments later with…

…Gary Brolsma! Poised and ready to throw!

Seymore gasped and looked frightened. "You wouldn't!"

"Oh, but I would! Face the power of the Numa!"

Suddenly, everyone started dancing. And then they all exploded.

"Man, I HATE it when that happens", Tidus sighed

Everyone nodded their heads in agreement.

Except for Lulu the potato. She had become mashed.

- - - - - - -

Mehhh...I can't think of anything.


	3. insanity squared

Tidus loved shiny things. He loved looking at his hair in the reflection. But most of all, he loved shiny things that produced the most delectable, tasty food in all of Spira.

"CHEESE?" Yuna screamed.

"No!"

Tidus picked up his shiny treasure and ran, with the enraged girl following closely behind.

But then Tidus had to stop and think.

"Where does cheese come from?"

Just then Yuna laid an egg. Inside was Tidus's toaster.

"You stole my toaster right out of my arms!" he cried.

"I'm not a toaster, I'm Lulu!" Lulu the talking llama said.

"FORE!" hollered Seymour. A large pineapple spun through the air and knocked Lulu to the ground. She proceeded to melt.

"Lulu, why can't you ever turn into something useful?" Tidus sighed.

Everyone agreed.

- - - - - - - - - -

Another short, short chapter.

Almost as short as Rikku's shorts.

But not quite.


	4. insanity to the max

Aki dedicates this chapter to all her lovely reviewers who held hope that this story might one day become updated. And it did! Hooray!

- - - - - - - - -

All thoughts of toast had been forgotten.

There was a NEW game to be played, and everyone who was not playing was just dumb.

Like Lulu. Mashed potatoes don't play games.

"Okay! Let's play House!" Wakka giggled. "I'm the mom!"

Tidus threw a rock at Wakka's head.

"I want to be the mom!"

Wakka threw his head at Tidus's rock.

"No way, chump! I'm the only transvestite around here!"

"Enough", said Auron. "I'M going to be the mom. Wakka, you can be Grandma, and Tidus is the Rhino."

"And me?" Yuna asked.

"…You're a random hobo".

"YAY! Yuna cheered".

"Don't step on me!" cried Lulu the termite.

Just then Rikku came in. She was flying upside down and playing a gameboy.

"What's that?" said Tidus.

"IT'S MINE!" screamed Rikku. She turned into a bat and flew at Tidus.

"AH! My hair! My pixilated hair!"

"I'll take care of it!" said Auron.

He pulled out a bass guitar and smashed Tidus on the head.

"Thanks, I thought I was a gonner", said Tidus, before he passed out.

- - - - - - - - -

When he awoke sometime later, Tidus found himself in the middle of a wedding hall.

"Who's getting married?" Tidus wondered aloud.

"I am!" squealed Yuna. The groom, an orange post-it note, was perched on her nose.

"That's a post-it…"

Yuna started to cry. "HE'S THE ONLY ONE WHO EVER LOVED ME!"

"I love toast!" said Tidus.

"So do I!" said Seymour.

But no one cared what Seymour had to say, because he was a giraffe and giraffes cannot speak.

"Mommy says clean your room!" Auron boomed suddenly, grabbing Tidus by the ear.

Tidus stared at Auron.

"You're not my mom, you fool!"

"What!" cried Auron. "I'm not? All these years I've been led astray!"

Tidus took this opportunity to run.

To where? We'll find out later!

- - - - - - - - - - -

I will now answer reviews! Why? Because!

randomcat23: Did you just…snort at me?

XxX-cidsgirl-XxX: (Takes a bow) Weird isn't always funny, though. Like the weird kids at school that follow you around and pick their noses…Oh, and, this chapter is a bit longer. But not by much…sorry.

Tropical Slush: I'm sorry I made you wait so very long. Just for you, I'll add more chapters up rapid fire!

Drieldwin: Heh, I tricked you!

Rixter-Ray: I used your idea! A bit, sort of.

Okay, see you people later!


	5. insanity for my people

Tidus was running just as fast as his computer engine legs could carry him. He didn't sweat, and in fact he'd never even heard of the word before. He was a man among men, a man's man, and he would run so far away…

"You know you're running on a treadmill, right?" Auron asked.

"But I've been running for THREE hours!" Tidus moped.

He didn't have much time to mope, because at that moment a baseball came zipping around the corner and conked Tidus right on the noggin.

"If you're not ready to play the game, then you should stay out of the kitchen!" Yuna bellowed, smacking her fist into her catcher's mit.

"Knock it off!" Lulu the baseball cried, shaking her fists at the ceiling.

"Kitchen..." Tidus pondered. "Oh! My toast!"

Tidus ran up the stairs and threw open the door. "I'm here!"

"Eeeeek!" Wakka screamed, messing up his lipstick job.

"This is the bathroom!" Tidus proclaimed. "What's up, Wakka?"

"I'm getting ready for a date," Wakka huffed, his orange hair rolled up into one very large curler.

Suddenly there was a loud crash as if Sin had just came pummeling through the living room.

"Oh, that must be him!" Wakka squealed. "I told him he could just pummel through the living room. He doesn't fit through the door."

"Hey! You only want to be friends so you can use me!" Lulu the large hair-roller wailed.

Meanwhile…

"Do you mind?! You've just pummeled right in the middle of my solitaire game!" Auron complained, glaring at the large chunk of sea monster that was Sin.

"Only lonely old men play solitaire", said Sin.

Auron's eyes filled up with tears. "I WAS NEGLECTED AS A CHILD!" He gathered up his cards and fled, leaving a trail of magical beans.

"Oh, a magical coffee bean!" Rikku giggled, scooping up the beans and throwing them into the coffee grinder.

"Noooooo! How will I get down from here now!" called Yuna from atop the clouds. "I miss my husband!"

"Don't bother! I'm leaving you!" Phil the orange post-it note called.

"But why?!" Yuna sobbed.

"We're just too different! And I love someone else!" Phil said.

"Curse you, Seymore!" raged Yuna. "I'm going to play the piano to release my sorrows!"

Yuna began to play, but the cloud could not hold the weight, and they plummeted down.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Tidus. He ran, arms outstretched, to rescue the fair damsel.

Tidus caught the piano safely, as Yuna smacked into the ground.

"Phew, that piano cost me a fortune!" Tidus sighed in relief.

"Tell me about it," said Lulu the piano.

----

Um, so, as I write this, I can't help but think that it sounds too much like an episode of Bo-bobo. I'm thinking that I just can't be funny anymore because of my age. ;; When I first wrote this story I was, what? 14? 15? And now I'm almost 18. I've lost all my youthful randomness.

Maybe I'll just give up. Bleh.

Um, bucklebunny, I used your idea. Lulz.

Tropical slush, I'm sorry but Yuna and Phil are divorcing. I know, it was an intense marriage. It was also a very popular marriage, and now look what I've done! I've ruined it!

Lulz. Yeah, that's all there is for now.


	6. insane like us

Tidus was fast asleep. He was dreaming about ice cream. He had just purchased a double scooped chocolate ice cream and was about to taste it when Seymore came out from behind a bush and smacked Tidus on the head, causing him to wake up.

"Oh man, you people look familiar!" Tidus shrieked, twirling his hair around his finger.

But no one was listening to Tidus.

Yuna and Pete the Post-It were having post marital arguments, Wakka was trying on prom dresses, Rikku was playing gameboy upside down, Auron was playing with barbies, and Lulu was still potatoes.

"I wish I was as pretty as Barbie" Auron sighed.

"YOU THINK YOU HAVE IT BAD?" Wakka screamed. "I LOOK FAT IN ALL OF THESE DRESSES!"

"Who asked you to prom?" Tidus inquired, thinking that Wakka looked best in the beaded green dress.

"Sin!" Wakka blushed, as he painted his nails pink. "I don't have any nice shoes…Do you think these hams will work instead?"

Everyone nodded their heads, except Yuna and Pete, who didn't like ham.

And Lulu, who was headless.

"Hm…I need a date for the prom too…oh I know!" Tidus pondered aloud.

The blonde made a mad dash for the kitchen only to find…

??

FIND OUT NEXT TIME!

Oh man, I left a cliff hanger._I_ know who he's going to ask...do YOU? I'm going to be seriously taking suggestions from now on seeing as I'm old and boring. It took me like...6 months to think up that barbie line, which I enjoy. You know you're a real idiot when your own fiction makes you rofl. Haha.

I'm leaving for college Sept. 14th. I hope to god that I can afford a laptop soon so that I can write more chapters during lectures. That way when people ask me what my majour is, I can say "FAN FICTION"! Haha. I should really do more with my life, maybe...


End file.
